I recently received a forwarded WhatsApp message about a talk program with advices given by a sannyasi. Later, I came to realize that he is a famous sannyasi (Radhanath Swami, ISKCON). In his talk, Radhanath Swami shares the story of Easy Eddie, who becomes a model father to his son Butch O’Hare. O’Hare, single-handedly, brought down several war planes during World War II and was honoured with the highest Congressional medal in the USA. O’Hare international airport in Chicago is named after him. After listening that talk, I commented:
Interesting to listen to such a talk about being a model for the children to imitate from a SANNYASI who gave up all kinds of relationship. A sannyasi can easily give such a grand talk about the importance of relationship without needs to maintain it. Probably this ISKCON Sannyasi gave this talk, as he missed it in his personal life. I would like to know whether he ever visited his mother even once a year to know about her health & needs. We, sometimes, need to listen to such advices, but never imitate sannyasis’ model as they are never committed for the maintenance of any human relationship because of their dharma. As he is busy travelling entire globe to give such grand talk, probably he, himself, might not have time to sit and reflect upon it and stop giving such talk. A family person alone is eligible for such a talk. Not a sannyasi.
The reason for saying this is: though I am not against anyone giving such a talk, a sannyasi should better keep away from giving advice to family people. He or she can engage in other kinds of social activities even running orphanage, old age home, feeding millions of people like this Radhanath Swamiji who feeds millions of school children in Mumbai area etc. Though I also have personal reservation for sannyasis involving in social activities, still I am not completely against it. When it comes to giving advice, particularly about being a model parent, sibling, friend, neighbor etc., a sannyasi can give any kind of advice to public without feeling any need to emulate it in his personal life. This does not mean that only those who lead a perfect life can give advice to others. But a sannyasi can only give an objective advice without having any kind of personal experience as his ideal is to give up everything — including remaining as a model for others. Though he can give all kinds of objective advice, there won’t be any personal touch in it. Apart from this, most of the people who listen to such advice from sannyasis will have a ‘what he knows?’ notion in their mind.
Here is a joke about it. When a favorite disciple of a sannyasi was pestering him to give him sannyasi deeksha, a swamiji, who knows about him quite well responded with much irritation: “I cannot give sannyasi deeksha to any family person who runs away from his responsibility particularly a husband who deserts his wife”, as he also knew that there existed some problems in that shishya’s marital life and earlier, he had even given some advices to both him & his wife. But the shishya with much tears, folding his hands, said, “Maharaj, I am not deserting my wife. You don’t know about (that) woman. I am a refugee seeking asylum and save me from persecution.”
That is why, when any family person seeks my advice on any life issue, my only advice is not to go to any sannyasi seeking counsel. Generally I say, ‘if you cannot listen & learn from your own elders, relatives, friends and neighbors who are actually living with others with so many issues and manage to lead relatively happy married life, you can never learn from a sannyasi. All that he can share is mere theory.’
For example, however well read a sannyasi about family issues & problems, as he does not have personal experience living as a husband, he cannot give advice on how to be a good husband. Furthermore, if he becomes a sannyasi after his marriage, then he is the worst person to give such advice to others as he, himself, failed to remain a husband till the end of his life to his wife, father to his children and grandfather to his grand children. After all, Sanyasis’ mental makeup is detachment which others cannot grasp unless they become a sannyasi. Just as a sannyasi cannot understand the real commitment of a family person, the other family persons cannot understand the inner detachment which