394 How can I live?
As I never understood me,
I become a waste
Even if I understand
Immediately I forget.
Though I took
A human birth
I cannot understand me
Completely.
With the help of intellect
I analyze it
Along with it I also
Ask my heart many times.
However I try
As I cannot understand me
I roam like a mad man
Babbling many things.
I don’t have the
Ability to understand me
Even if I understood
I cannot live accordingly.
Even the very life that I live
Is not clear to me
Even while I still live
This life is not visible clearly to me.
One way this is
Good for me
If everything becomes very clear
Then how can I live (accordingly)
Gurukulam, 18-10-2017, 11.30 p.m.
I am not a mystic. Not a rationalistic. But I have so many questions about me and life, for which I cannot get clear answer so far. In this process I try to analyze my life and understand it. For this I write so many things. But all of them do not make sense to me (so I need not talk about others). Whatever I write, it looks as mere babbling of a mad person. At the same time, I am happy that I need not understand everything clearly. Then my life will become a mess, as I cannot live accordingly. Anyhow the one solution that I found for this is, try to live one day at a time. Though this is the challenge, as I often go back to the past or anxious about the future, yet I try to bring my mind to think and live in the present even without understanding either about life or about me.
394 எப்படி வாழ்வது
உணராமல் இருப்பதால்
உதவாது போகிறேன்
உணர்ந்தாலும் உடனே
மறந்துமே போகிறேன்
நரவேடம் எடுத்து
நடிக்கின்ற போதும்
என்னை முழுதாய்
அறியாமல் இருக்கிறேன்
அறிவின் துணைகொண்டு
ஆராய்ந்து பார்க்கிறேன்
அத்துடன் மனதிடம்
அடிக்கடி கேட்கிறேன்
எத்தனை முயன்றாலும்
என்னைநான் புரியாது
பித்தனைப் போலவே
பிதற்றியே திரிகிறேன்
புரிகின்ற திறனுமே
எனக்கும் இல்லையே
புரிந்தாலும் அதன்படி
வாழவும் இல்லையே
வாழ்கின்ற வாழ்வும்
புரியவே இல்லையே
வாழ்கின்ற போதும்
புலப்பட வில்லையே
இதுவும் ஒருவிதம்
எனக்குமே நல்லது
எல்லாமே புரிந்தால்
எப்படி வாழ்வது
குருகுலம், 18-10-2017, இரவு 11.30