1314 Become tired
Tell me that
Which is your will
Set aside all
My other noises
Please listen
With much patience
All that this poor
Fool laments
Whatever might be
My efforts
The end result
Should be yours
Whichever my
Heart seeks
I need your
Consent in that
Though I have
Written this much easily
That is not possible for me
That I know very well
As you know
My nature well
If you do accordingly
I will found peace
But there is also
A time for that
And that time
Is with you
Though you have
Uttered this many time
Now I plead you
To bestow it quickly
I don’t have
The patience that you have
I don’t need to give
Reason for that
Even I don’t have
Energy to tell that
I become
Very tired
There is use
In telling further
If you don’t have
Mercy upon me
But if this become
Your will for me
There is no use
In lamenting further
But can I let you go
That much easily because of that
I will continue to do the same
As there is no other option left with me
Gurukulam, 17-12-2021, 11.30 p.m.
I had a long talk with my nephew Krupa about shifting my mother to Chennai close to his house so that my sister and they can take care of her. I gave various options to him. He too agreed that she needs to be shifted to Chennai either to live with them or near to them. He also ruled out the option of sending her any old age home. I asked him to discuss this with his parents and wife.
Then in the night I was thinking about it, I realized that as my sister and many others have said, that I rush things and never have patience. This is true. But when I go to the other extreme where my patience is running out because of tiredness both in body and mind, sometimes I rush and male quick decisions. In the past I have done several things. But before and after taking the decision I pray to the Lord to do only His will—however I remain impatient in my decision. As I was contemplating my impatience and present scenario of taking care of my mother alone with my back pain I have no other option but to do this. But as usual I can complain about it to the Lord and I have done it again through this song. If He has his own plan there is no use in lamenting further. But because of this I cannot let him go that much easily and will continue to pester him by continuously lamenting.
1314 களைத்தேன்
உன்சித்தம் எதுவோ
அதைமட்டும் சொல்லு
என்சத்தம் எதுவோ
அதையும்நீ தள்ளு
புரியாத பேதை
புலம்பிடும் அனைத்தையும்
பொறுமையாய் நீயும்
ஏற்றுமே கொள்ளு
முயற்சிகள் எத்தனை
நான் செய்தாலும்
முடிவு உனதாய்
இருந்திட வேண்டும்
மனது எதனை
நாடிய போதும்
அதிலும் உனது
சம்மதம் வேண்டும்
எளிதாக இதனை
எழுதிய போதும்
என்னாலே இயலாது
என்பதை அறிவேன்
எனது இயல்பை
அறிந்த நீயும்
அதன்படி செய்தால்
அமைதியும் காண்பேன்
ஆயினும் அதற்கும்
நேரம் ஒன்று
உன்னிடம் மட்டுமே
இருக்குது என்று
தெளிவாகப் பலமுறை
நீசொன்ன போதும்
விரைவாக நீதர
வேண்டும் என்றேன்
உனக்குள்ள பொறுமை
எனக்குமே இல்லை
காரணம் சொல்லிடத்
தேவையும் இல்லை
களைத்தேன் என்று
சொல்லிடக் கூடத்
தெம்பு என்னிடம்
முற்றாக இல்லை
இன்னும் இரக்கம்
வராது போனால்
இனியும் சொல்லிப்
பயனேதும் இல்லை
இதுவே உன்சித்தம்
என்றுமே ஆனால்
இனிப் புலம்பி
பயனுமே இல்லை
அதற்காக உன்னை
விட்டிட முடியுமா
அதையே செய்வேன்
வழிவேறு இல்லை
குருகுலம், 17-12-2021, இரவு, 11.30
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