1114 you won’t understand
When you too don’t understand about my condition
To whom shall I go and complaint
When you refuse to give knowing my need
Why should I ask you unnecessarily?
Did I ever ask you to do any miracle or wonder
Did I ever ask any unnecessary works?
As you bestow to everyone which is part of nature
Why you deny only to me, better tell that to me?
Don’t say that I am responsible for this
Don’t provoke my irritation and anger unnecessarily
By blaming the mind which is not under my control
Don’t give up your responsibility
Once I gave everything to you
Don’t try to make me responsible for everything
Never forget even for a day that
I am merely a slave who does your errands
We can manage to live for few days without food and water
But it is impossible for anyone to live without it
I cannot say more about it to you
Who put this as part of nature?
It is true that you cannot understand about this situation
There is no need for that to you
The one who protects us without blinking the eyes
You cannot understand the greatness of SLEEP
Though you were a god and you came as human
Why you forgot this need of human
Is it mere waste for this slave to come and lament
Every day without sleep to you!
Mathigiri, 28-07-2019, 10.30 p.m.
Last night due to severe head I got up around 2.00 am. Then I could not sleep. I don’t have the strength to get up from the bed to do any work. After tossing without sleep till 4.00 am, I got up with murmur and made a cup of hot water to drink. Then I retired to bed continue to toss without sleep till 5.30. Then I manage to sleep for 45 minutes and got up by 6.15 am to do my routine work. In the day time also I couldn’t take proper rest. The whole day almost went in waste unable to do my regular work. I couldn’t do my regular exercise, reading, walking etc. Finally night when I become and get irritated, before reading Muktiveda I told to the Lord the first line in Tamil. Then to vent out my anger I first wrote this song except the final stanza and after my regular readings went to bed after 12.00 am. But again got up 2.00. Once I got up in the middle of the night, it will take few days for me to catch back my regular sleep. So unable to sleep and unable to get up I began to argue and fight with the Lord. Finally I told him that though he came as human somehow he forgot some basic needs for our life as he resumed his duty as god. Then I wrote the final stanza in my mind and completed the song this morning.
There is no reason either for god or for me to blame my mind for this. I know it is the problem of my brain which constantly think on various topic when I got up in the middle of the night refusing me catch my sleep back. In the past I used to get up from bed and sit and type my thoughts to stop the disturbance of my brain. But these days I cannot do it as I don’t have much strength left after doing every work in the house. The result is not only sleeplessness but also irritation and anger against god. Finally he too owes some responsibility for a bhakta and answerable to her.
This kind of songs are called ‘ninda stuti’ praising in blaming.
1114 உனக்குப் புரியாது
என்னிலை நீயே அறியாத போது
எவரிடம் சென்று முறையீடு செய்வது
எந்தேவை அறிந்து தராத போது
எதற்காக வீணாக உன்னிடம் கேட்பது
அற்புதம் அடையாளம் ஏதேனும் கேட்டேனா
அவசியம் இல்லாத காரியம் சொன்னேனா
எல்லோர்க்கும் இயற்கையாய் நீதரும் ஒன்றை
எனக்கு மட்டுமே மறுப்பத்தேன் சொல்லு
இதற்குமே காரணம் நானேனச் சொல்லாதே
எரிச்சலை கோபத்தை வீணாகக் கிளறாதே
என்வசம் இல்லாத மனதையும் குறைசொல்லி
உன்பொறுப்பினை நீ தட்டியும் கழிக்காதே
எல்லாமே உனக்கெனத் தந்ததின் பின்னாலே
என்னையே பொறுப்பாக்க நீயுமேமுயலாதே
ஏவலைச் செய்திடும் சேவகன் என்பதை
எந்நாளும் நீயும் எப்போதும் மறக்காதே
உணவின்றி நீரின்றி சிலகாலம் வாழலாம்
அதுவின்றி வாழ எவர்க்குமே இயலாது
இயற்கையில் இந்த நியதியை வைத்த
உனக்கினிச் சொல்ல என்னாலே முடியாது
அதுசரி உனக்கிந்த நிலையுமே புரியாது
அதற்கானத் தேவை உனக்குமே கிடையாது
கண்ணிமைக்காது காக்கின்ற உனக்கு
தூக்கத்தின் அருமை ஒருநாளும் புரியாது
தெய்வமாய் இருந்தும் மனிதானாய் வந்தும்
மனிதனின் தேவையை மறந்ததும் ஏனோ
அடிமையும் அனுதினம் தூக்கமும் இன்றி
உன்னிடம் வந்து புலம்புதல் வீணோ
மத்திக்கிரி, 28-07-2019, இரவு, 10.30