465 Which get lost?
How can I tell?
What I have lost
How to tell
Which get lost on their own?
I have lost my heart
As I toiled for my body
And for the need of my heart
I lost my mind (thoughts)
I lost me
Even in my own thoughts
Finally along with them all
I have lost my own life
Living only for me
I lost relatives
Living for relatives
I lost others
Living for others
I lost the world
Living for the world
I lost everything
Finally when I thought
Gone is gone
Let me begin to live again
I couldn’t find any one of them
As I too joined
With those were searching
All which they have lost
I couldn’t find any of them
Then alone
One thing become clear to me
Finally I realized
Which one we all lost?
As all of us
Were searching material things
I realized that it was people
And not material which we have lost
If we search thinking
What we lost is the same as what get lost on their own
None will get them both
As long as we do not understand this
Instead of searching
Which we lost
But only search which get lost on their own
Till the end we won’t get both of them!
Mathigiri, 8-8-2018, 10.30 p.m.
Relationship needs commitment and friendship needs nurturing. In both we lost (தொலைத்த) some and many get lost (தொலைந்த) on their own. But not knowing the real reason we often search some other things than the lost (தொலைத்த) and get lost (தொலைந்த) relationship. As long as we never began to search what we actually lost, we won’t get both lost and get lost relationships.
I tried to translate தொலைத்த as the one we lost on our own and தொலைந்த as those which get lost on their own. I am not sure whether I managed to translate them properly. Unless this difference between which we lost and those which get lost on their own, one cannot understand this poem and the thought.
The main point is this: unless we try to seek the relationship which we lost due to our own temperament, those which went on their own won’t come back. This is truer with relatives than with friends.
Lost year this time we were exited as one of our close relatives planed to come and visit us (particularly my mother) nearly after 40 years. They came and met. Once they went back, in order to revive that lost relationship I tried my best to keep in touch with them by sending several Whatsap messages and photos. But there was no response from them in any form. After six month there was only one phone call that too from the senior most person. The young generation didn’t show any interest to keep in touch with us back. I won’t blame them as they never knew or met us before. The same happened with one of my shishyas’ son. As my mother wanted see his photos, in spite of my several messages he never responded by sending his present picture.
As I was thinking about it, I realized that we lost some relationship due to our temperament and some get lost on their own. Unless we try to trace back which we lost we won’t restore back both kinds of relationships. This is the background of this poem.
465 தொலைந்தது எது
தொலைத்து கொஞ்சமோ
எப்பட்டிச் சொல்ல
தொலைந்தவை கொஞ்சமோ
எவையென்று சொல்ல
உடலுக்கே உழைத்ததால்
உள்ளத்தை தொலைத்தேன்
உள்ளத்தின் தேவைகாய்
எண்ணத்தை தொலைத்தேன்
எண்ணத்தின் எண்ணத்தில்
என்னையே தொலைத்தேன்
இறுதியில் இவற்றோடு
வாழ்வையும் தொலைத்தேன்
எனக்காக வாழ்ந்து
உறவினைத் தொலைத்தேன்
உறவுக்காய் வாழ்ந்து
ஊறினைத் தொலைத்தேன்
ஊருக்காய் வாழ்ந்து
உலகினைத் தொலைத்தேன்
உலகுக்கே வாழ்ந்து
அனைத்தையும் தொலைத்தேன்
போனது போகட்டும்
இனிவாழ்வோம் என்று
புறப்பட்ட போது
ஒன்றையும் காணேன்
என்போல் தொலைத்தவர்
அனைவரும் தேட
அவரோடு சேர்ந்ததால்
இதுவரைக் காணேன்
அதன்பின்தான் ஒன்று
தெளிவாகப் புரிந்தது
அனைவரும் தொலைத்தது
எதுவெனத் தெரிந்தது
தொலைத்த அனைவரும்
பொருளினைத் தேட
தொலைத்தது பொருளல்ல
நபரெனப் புரிந்தது
தொலைத்ததை தொலைந்ததாய்
எண்ணியே தேடினால்
கிடைக்காது எவருக்கும்
இது புரியாதவரை
தொலைத்ததைத் தேடாமல்
தொலைந்ததைத் தேடினால்
இரண்டும் கிடைக்காது
எவருக்கும் இறுதிவரை
மத்திகிரி, 8-8-2018, இரவு, 10.30
தொலைத்த உறவை தேடாதவரை தொலைந்த உறவு கிடைக்காது