245 What is the use?
What is going to happen wherever I might go?
Who can come and help me
My mind is troubling me too much
And I cannot overcome it.
Others can come and help me as much as possible
Through their seva and material
But who can do till the end
Who can do it going beyond their limit?
No clear answer is visible
The work does not end as I began
There is no reason to blame others
There is no use by merely lamenting
I can make the decision
And accordingly I can even start the work
But without any disturbance to continue
Other than the grace of God which one could help?
I realized this in everyday life
Without Him nothing will move on this earth
The one who began will bring the end
God will finally help me to reach the shore
Then why should I worry wherever I live
Someone will come to help for sure
And God to accomplishes His work through them
I knew to lead my heart according to His plan.
26-08-2014, 4.00 p.m. Gurukulam.
I came to the ashram on 15th August with my mother for Madhu’s family function and for others visit. Since day one my mother told the worker and others that we will go back to Mathigiri on the very same day when the function ends (24th August). Knowing her nature I didn’t say much. But gradually I prepared her by telling that we cannot return on the very same day as I have to rearrange and clean, wash and keep things in proper place. Then when Kannan arrived on 22nd, my mother again began to put pressure on me through him. Then on 25th I told my mother that how much I suffered both in mind and body without proper sleep at Mathigiri. Then I told Kannan how two times I got numbness on my left leg due to sleeplessness. And I also made it clear to my mother that as long as I keep good health I can serve her at my best. But if I become sick and lay down there is none to take care of her. This bit shocked her. Then on his part Kannan also told about the numbness on my leg and he also said that I asked him not to tell this to her (I never share much of my ailments with her). So I was able to communicate that: I am ready to bend to serve her. But if my bending breaks me, then she alone will suffer more than me. And she got the message.
Means while my brother-in-law who visited us and also came to see the ashram told my mother that only I can stay here without anyone in solitude and others cannot stay more than a week. Then Madhu when came on 17th August, on his part told my mother that she is correct and more than a week she cannot stay here. But Madhu in his previous visits used tell my mother that without her the ashram looks empty (when she went to stay with my brother). That was enough for her to nag me. Because whenever my mother becomes upset with me, she will threaten by saying, ‘Let Madhu come and I will talk to him. There is no use in talking with you’. But when my health issue came, she was bit shocked and began to listen Kannan with the reservation as she always thinks that Kannan supports only me.
I never tried to blackmail her through my health issues. All I requested her is to extend our stay as much as possible when we come to the ashram for some program and then we will go back to Mathigiri. But if she pesters me that she cannot stay even more than a day after the program, then it is bit too hard for me. I also told her that I never insist her to come and stay here permanently. We will stay at Mathigiri but when we will come here for some program in future we will stay as much as possible, for me to rest and recover.
Anyhow in my absence Kannan convinced my mother that it will serve her interest more if she can reconsider to come back to stay permanently to the ashram. And she was slowly prepared for that too. But as I don’t want to trouble her beyond what she could bear all I requested her is to co-operate with me to serve her at my best.
So when I went to dhyanamandapa to read my book this afternoon, after sometime I cannot continue my reading as my thought went after what all Kannan, my mother and we talked. Then I wrote this song. Now she agreed for us to go back to Mathigiri on September 5th and that was a great boon for me.
30-08-2014. Gurukulam.
245 என்ன ஆவது
எங்கு போனாலும் என்ன ஆவது
எனக்கு எவர்தான் உதவி செய்வது
என்மனம் நாளும் சதிராட்டம் போடுது
இதனை வெல்ல என்னாலே முடியாது
பிறர் வந்து உதவலாம் முடிந்த வரையில்
பொருளாலே உடலாலே உள்ள வரையில்
இறுதி வரையில் எவராலே முடியும்
தன் எல்லை மீறி எவர்செய்ய முடியும்?
தெளிவான விடையும் தெரியவில்லை
தொடங்கிய படியே முடியவில்லை
பிறரை குறை கூற காரணம் இல்லை
புலம்பித் தவிப்பதால் பயனேதும் இல்லை
தீர்மானம் செய்வது என்னாலே முடியும்
அதன்படி செலைத் தொடங்கவும் இயலும்
தொய்வின்றி காரியம் தொடர்ந்து நடக்க
தெய்வத்தின் அருளன்றி வேறெது உதவும்
அதை நான் அறிந்தேன் அனுதின வாழ்வில்
அவன் அன்றி ஏதும் அசையாது உலகில்
தொடங்கி வைத்தவன் முடித்தும் வைப்பான்
தெய்வமே இறுதியில் கரையும் சேர்ப்பான்
இனி எங்கே இருந்தால் எனக்கென்ன கவலை
எவரேனும் வருவார் நிச்சயம் உதவ
அவர் மூலம் இறைவனும் காரியம் நடத்த
அறிந்தேன் மனதையும் அவன்வழி செலுத்த
26-08-2014, குருகுலம், 4.00 மாலை