437 No end to complaints
How many blessings God has given to me
But I don’t thinking about them
Thinking only small small troubles
I get troubled in everyday life
Always thinking only about me
And always complaining on everything
And counting only the shortcomings in others
I lost my peace due to my own anger (temperament)
Who else do not have struggles in this world?
And who do not have pressure in the life
How much burden they are carrying
And find peace only amidst them
I never see others’ trouble
And never contemplate about their needs
And I become tired of carrying my own burden
And refuse to see all the blessings that God has given to me
In which area of my life He kept any shortcomings
And He bestowed even before I ask them
But none of those blessings are visible to me
And only my complaints never cease
What others can do in this my wretched condition?
And they keep away from me doing what they can do
Only God alone standing with me keeping patience
Refusing to abandon me further!
Though my reason accepts, my heart refuses to agree with it
And my poor atman is crushed in between them
It is the burden of the one who created me
And I live as usual, what else can I do?
6-6-16, Gurukulam, 6.10 pm.
As Rajesh continue to stay after our annual summer meeting, each day I will go and spend some time with him in prayer. Each day mostly we shared the points for which we need to pray. But this morning, I began to share how my nature and aptitude is not inclined to such tasks of managing big property and arranging everything for the meeting etc. One of the reasons for me to choose this life as a Single man is to have my own time. Added to this, however I failed to live like a typical sannyasi up to that idealism, yet I am not supposed to involve too much in mundane activities. Interestingly God, deliberately put many responsibilities from which I actually want to run away. As a sannyasi I am not expected to take care of buildings and properties, keep accounts, arrange for meeting, organize works, and try to fix problems which naturally come in such big property. Added to this I have to take care of my mother—which of course I do joyfully.
But in my sharing with Rajesh I told how actually I don’t want to involve in all such activities and prefer to have a real recluse life. He too agreed with me—though he cannot help in any way.
And when went for my evening walk, again I began to recall my talk with Rajesh. There I realized that how often I fail to see the providence of God has beautifully arranged for me to carry out all these responsibility with much ease. God never let us alone to struggle in any area in our life and always opens seven doors when one door is closed. But not seeing what He has provided, when I only began to think about my own needs and comforts (or problems and worries), I fail to see all that He has arranged, even better than what others could arrange. As my mother often say, I can accomplish only making few calls not getting out of my chair and surprisingly God sends several angels to do all things in human form.
But due to my fallen nature, till the end of my life I am going to remain like this often complaining what I don’t have than remaining thankful what God has provided that too abundantly. The last stanza reflects the reality of my nature and poor God He has to deal with me till the end like this. I feel sorry for Him as He has no respite from a person like me.
437 முறையீடு குறையலை
எத்தனை நன்மைகள் இறைவனும் தருகிறான்
என்னவோ அவைகளை எண்ணியும் பாராமல்
சின்னச் சின்ன இடர்களை எண்ணிச்
சிந்தையில் கலங்கி வாடுறேன் நாளுமே
எந்த நேரமும் என்னையே எண்ணி
எதற் கெடுத்தாலும் முறையீடு பண்ணி
குறைகளைக் கண்டு குற்றமே சொல்லி
கோபமே கொண்டு அமைதியை இழந்தேன்
எவருக் கில்லை உலகினில் போராட்டம்
எவருக் கில்லை மனதிலே வாட்டம்
எத்தனை எத்தனை பாரமும் சுமக்கிறார்
அவைகளின் மத்தியில் அமைதியைப் பார்க்கிறார்
பிறர்படும் துயரைக் காண்பதும் இல்லை
பிறர் தேவை எதையும் நினைப்பதும் இல்லை
என்பாரம் சுமந்து இளைத்தே போகிறேன்
அவன்தரும் நன்மைகள் பார்க்க மறுக்கிறேன்
எதிலொரு குறையை இதுவரை வைத்தான்
கேட்குமுன் அனைத்தும் அள்ளியே தந்தான்
தந்த நன்மைகள் ஒன்றுமே தெரியலை
முறையீடு செய்வது மட்டுமோ ஓயலை
என்னிந்த நிலையில் எவரென்ன செய்வார்
இயன்றதைச் செய்து ஒதுங்கியே கொள்கிறார்
இறைவன் மட்டுமே கைவிட மறுத்து
இன்னும் கூடப் பொறுமையைக் காக்கிறான்
அறிவுக்குப் புரியுது மனதோ மறுக்குது
இடையில் என்னான்மா பாவம் தவிக்குது
படைத்தவன் பாடு நானென்ன செய்வது
வழக்கம் போல் வாழறேன் வேறென்ன செய்வது
6-6-16, குருகுலம், மாலை 6.10