1118 I will find peace
Not knowing
About tomorrow’s life
I get
Frustrated today
Whatever might happen?
You are there
My heart
Tells this
Though I think
All that happened so far
Still some kind of
Fear will come
Though I tried
To remove it by many ways
It will come and
Chase me again and again
Though I
Trust you
Though I think
All the blessing that I received from you
As chanchal comes and hides
The buddhi also
Gets deluded
Before I come
To tell to you (about it)
How many are
The answers that I thought
But all the solutions
That came through them
Once again
Became mere mirage
But I didn’t
Remain thinking that
Whatever might happen?
Will happen
My trust never
Changed that
You will be there (as before)
Whatever might happen?
Not lamenting that
Let it go as per the fat
I know for sure that
All will happen according to your ways
Remembering that again
Removing the fear
I will find peace
Again in you
Mathigiri, 7-8-2019, 11.20 p.m.
I came to know that my Mami who came and stayed with us few times (my mother’s sister-in-law) become bedridden, my mother began to lament what will happen if same thing happens to her also. I too have the same worry. Again the question ‘what if’ came and I tried my best to find so many alternative solutions to face in case such scenario comes. However nothing will work as there are so many limitations in every solution that I thought. Though I trust the Lord and remembering all the blessings that I received from him, some kind of fear came in my mind. So when this night I was thinking about it I told the Lord (in Tamil) that whatever might happen he will be there as before. I never told (as my mother often says) let it happen as fat has decided because I know that the Lord will take care of everything as he has done several times in the past. But one thing that I cannot digest is that life that I have to face without my mother. I am not sure whether god can understand this as he never had a mother. The Lord also went leaving his mother with his beloved disciple. A life without a mother is the worst scenario for every child. Once the mother is gone a person becomes REAL ORPHAN as no one can replace a mother in his or her life. As I thought about it tears came and I began to sob. Then I sat for few minutes in silence and then poured my heart to him by writing this poem.
1118 அமைதி காண்பேன்
நாளைய வாழ்வு
என்னாகு மென்று
நான் புரியாமல்
தவிக்கிறேன் இன்று
ஏதான போதும்
நீயுண்டு என்று
என்மனம் என்னிடம்
சொல்லுது நன்று
இதுவரை நடந்ததை
எண்ணியே போதும்
ஏனோ வீணாய்
வந்திடும் பயமும்
பலவிதம் அதனை
நீக்கிட முயன்றும்
மீண்டும் மீண்டும்
துரத்தியே வந்திடும்
நம்பிக்கை உன்மேல்
எத்தனை இருந்தும்
நீசெய்த நன்மைகள்
எண்ணியே பார்த்தும்
சஞ்சலம் வந்து
மறைப்பதினாலே
மதியும் கலங்கும்
மயக்கத்தினாலே
உன்னிடம் வந்து
சொல்லிடும் முன்னே
நான்கண்ட விடைகள்
எத்தனை சொல்ல
ஆயினும் அவற்றின்
தீர்வுகள் யாவும்
கானல் நீராய்
போனது மிச்சம்
நடப்பது நடக்கட்டும்
நானென்ன செய்ய
என்றே நானும்
இருந்திட வில்லை
எது நடந்தாலும்
நீயுண்டு என்று
நம்பிக்கை மட்டும்
மாறவே இல்லை
விதிவழி நடக்கும்
எனப் புலம்பாமல்
உன்வழி நடக்கும்
எனநான் அறிவேன்
அதனை எண்ணி
பயத்தை நீக்கி
அமைதி மீண்டும்
உன்னில் காண்பேன்
மத்திக்கிரி, 7-8-2019, இரவு, 11.20