243 It is your problem
I never come unto you with any qualification
I don’t have the knowledge to know about me
I don’t know to stand firmly
I am not qualified to cling your feet
I analyzed several times
I tested myself several times
I knew one thing for sure
That I don’t have stable mind
It became like the water on the lotus leave
Chanchal (frustration) alone become my nature
Not knowing to hold and unable to give up
My heart becomes a boat without the oars
Somehow the days went so far
The life is also gone without understanding it properly
Someone pulled and someone pushed
Therefore the cart also moved so far
I don’t know how it will go any more
I don’t know who will push and who will pull
But I know one thing for sure
That is your problem and what I have to do with it.
24-7-14, 11.30 am.
Again some kind of pessimism engulfed my mind. Then I felt that so far my life was decided by others and I moved as they pushed or pulled. As I don’t have a stable mind, frustration becomes my only nature. But I told the Lord that it is His problem and not mine as He alone send someone to push and someone to pull and I need not worry any more about it. I strongly believe that in a bhakta’s life nothing happens by chance or accident and God moves her life from cradle to grave as He knew her even before she was formed in her mother’s womb. What a comfort is this than try to find out all kinds of answers through various other means.
Of course the same is called ‘fatalism’ in Indian worldview. And we call it predestination. The subtle difference is that none can change the fate as it is not under anybody’s control. At least in karma theory, one can still influence her future life by playing the card properly. Whereas when it comes to fate, no one can escape from its grip. At the same time the line that divides fate from karma is very subtle in several cases it changes that line according to one’s need and mood. Whereas predestination is decided by god which is according to bhakti tradition is a prerogative of god. However we cannot explain it by our reason but move by faith. And the theological complication is well explained by Keener:
9:19-21. … Although Paul teaches ‘predestination,’ we must understand what he means by that term in the light of what it meant in his own day, not what it has meant in recent centuries’ theology (or, as in the case just mentioned, in distortions of that theology).
…Paul here discusses predestination only in the context of the salvation of Israel (9:1-13) and the Gentiles (9:23-29); thus he means only what both context and culture suggest: God can sovereignly choose to elect whom he wills, and that need not be on the basis of descent from Abraham. God’s sovereignty means that he is free to choose on another basis than his covenant with ethnic Israel (3:1-8); he can choose on the basis of (foreknown) faith in Christ (4:11-13; 8:29-30).— Craig S. Keener , Bible Background commentary, NEW TESTMENT, Illinois, IVP, 1993, ROMANS, ROMANS, p.433
But going beyond reason and theology as a layman bhakta what comforts me is that I need not resign to the unchanging ‘fate’ but trust God who moves my life according to his plan—which he is free to change.
30–8-2014
இன்று இரவு படுக்குமுன் இறைவனிடம் தகுதிஉடையதால் வரவில்லை என்று எண்ணியபோது எழுதியது3
243 உன்பாடு
தகுதி உடையோனாய் வரவில்லை
தன்னையே அறியும் திறம் இல்லை
உறுதியாய் நிற்கவும் தெரியவில்லை
உன்னடி பற்றிடும் தகுதி இல்லை
எத்தனையோ முறை ஆராய்ந்து பார்த்தேன்
என்னையே பலமுறை சோதித்தும் பார்த்தேன்
நிச்சயம் ஒன்று நன்கு புரிந்தது
அது நிலையில்லா புத்தி என்பது தெரிந்தது
தாமரை இலைமேல் நீர்போல் ஆனது
சஞ்சலம் ஒன்றே என்குணம் ஆனது
பற்றிடத் தெரியாமல் விட்டிட முடியாமல்
துடுப்பற்ற படகுபோல் என்மனம் ஆனது
எப்படியோ இதுவரை நாட்களும் போனது
ஏதுமே புரியாமல் வாழ்க்கையும் போனது
யாரோ இழுத்தார் எவரோ தள்ளினார்
என்னவோ வண்டி இதுவரை சென்றது
எப்படி இனிபோகும் என்பது தெரியாது
தள்ளுவோர் இழுப்போர் யார் என்றும் தெரியாது
ஒன்று மட்டும் நிச்சயம் எனக்கு புரிந்தது
அது உன்பாடு இனி எனக்கென்ன என்பது
24-7-2014, மத்திகிரி, இரவு 11.30